The Spirit of Magnolia

An infertility / adoption / pregnancy blog. After 3 MCs and IF testing (with no diagnosis) we shifted our focus to adoption. After being matched we discovered we were pregnant. After telling our agency about the pregnancy our match was severed. This is the story of our journey to parenthood.

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Location: Minnesota, United States

Sunday, December 14, 2008

... and holding ...

... 30 weeks and 1 day ....

Never, in my WILDEST dreams, did I ever think I would be at this place in my life.
I still find it hard to believe that we are pregnant!!! I think Ive been so damaged from our past losses that I cant even fathom that we will be welcoming a new life into this world ... SOON!!

We are so very thankful for this blessing. We are not taking a moment of this for granted. I thank God every day and night for this opportunity. We are just in awe of the experience!

We had our last "baby class" this weekend. It was Birth Preparation (breathing, relaxation techniques, what to expect, etc). Very informative! Now we are both VERY excited for the next step - LABOR!!

I am hoping for a drug-free natural childbirth ... but am keeping my mind open since you never know what will happen. I just really want to experience EVERYTHING and not miss anything. If I get drugged up I'm scared that I will be numb to part of the beauty of birth. I'm also TERRIFIED that labor will feel like my past miscarriages and bring back all those horrible feelings to the surface. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see how it goes...

All I know for sure is that since this pregnancy was completely unexpected we can't be sure that it will happen again. Because this will probably be our only shot at a biological child we must TREASURE every second. In these circumstances I am thankful for the enlightenment that my previous losses have given me. Had I not experienced the losses then I would probably not be cherishing every moment as I have been doing. Every ache, pain, twinge, creak, discomfort, nauseousness, etc. I LOVE THEM ALL! It makes me feel alive with life!!!

I feel so sad when I talk with pregnant women that complain about the experience. It reinforces to me that people that have never experienced loss or life in the "Land of IF" have NO IDEA the extent of the gift they have been given! Well, I shouldn't say all of them ... I'm sure there are a few out there that realize how lucky they are .... (I hope!).. unfortunately the ones I have been in contact with recently are clueless!


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